Phone rings: *For the 3rd time in 5mins*
Deola: Ameh!! Ameh!! Why aren't you picking?? Your mum has been calling what if it's an emergency or something??
Ameh: Please let it ring, i know my mum it's no emergency at all... when she's tired she'll stop..
Deola: Well at least text her to say you're busy or something so she doesn't get worried??
Ameh: I'll call her later please.. she's left me tons of broadcast on Whatsapp that I'm yet to open.. i don't have the energy to deal with my mum's drama today..
Please we need to hurry up lest we go late for Chioma's Bachelorete party.
The next morning:
Ameh: With husky voice and sleepy eyes, good morning mum. Sorry i was supposed to call you but i got back late yesterday. *sniffs*
Mummy T: Got back late from where Ameh?? This girl!! You're playing with your life. You want to disgrace me before my enemies and it won't work i tell you..
I was calling about something extremely important yesterday and you left me unanswered hmmm!!
I don't blame you, it's your Father i blame, who thought it wise to allow you relocate to Lagos alone as a single girl. Continues complaining...
Ameh: Mummy!! It's still too early for this don't you think?
I picked your call myself didn't i? Shouldn't that count for something at least??
How are you my love? This one you're just charging like this this morning, hope you've not had your usual argument with Daddy T o??
Mum T: That one? *Kisses teeth* i don't even have time for him right now.
My problem is you Ameh!!
You want to kill me you this girl.
Ameh: *Rolls her eyes* what did i do again this time mummy??
Mum T: what did you not do?
See yesterday i was calling you because my friend Iya Deola called to share a testimony that happend in her church. The testimony was hot.
Ameh: Mummy i just woke up. Can we talk about this later please. *knowing where she was headed*
Mum T: No oo!! We will talk about it now! Cause i don't know when next you'll pick my call..
Ameh: *sighs* You sound like i don't always pick your call?
Mum T: Ahh you don't o, at least you didn't pick yesterday's own did you? Ehen! To the gist;So Iya Deola told me about how she visited this church in Mushin with her Sister for the first time.
She said it was erm Fire of Elijah ministries.
Ahhh Ameh!! That church is fire!!
Ameh: Did you attend? How can you sit at home and judge? You and all these tales by moonlight.
Mum T: Wo this is real oo, not fake miracle. She said she saw it with her korokoro eyes.
The man of God was in the spirit when God ministered to him that a certain lady in service that Sunday was set to be favoured
*inserts speaking in tongues* Hmm wo! You know Iya Deola can give gist?
See He said to the young lady that a man was running down to her to ask her hand out in marriage.
That the Lord has sent the fire of Elijah upon that man.. He is running down now!!
He said this man would call You to beg you to marry him. He won't waste time with the wedding preparations o, it'll be quick because the mantle of speed bestowed upon Elijah has been placed on this man..
Ameh: Won de!! (They have arrived ) Mummy mummy!! won tun gbe de oo(They are here with another tale yet again)
Deputy Holy Spirit you have come again!.
Mum T: Sha let me finish.. So my dear, the day she came to mid-week service, the young lady came to share her testimony. She said that week after Papa prophesied, she claimed it and she sowed a seed upon that word..
That very week she was just doing her devotional when the SPIRIT of God ministered to her to begin to pray in other tongues. She heeded to the instructions and did as told. That night kpakam her phone rang.
Ameh: Hmmm!!! You don't mean it?
Mum T: Guess who called?
Ameh: The Holy Spirit??
Mum T: *kisses her teeth* you must think I'm joking you this girl?
Ameh: Pele ma(sorry ma) please continue.
Mum T: Her ex boyfriend from India.
Ameh: Wawu.
He was like how have you been, hope all's well? I've been looking for your contact for a long time now. I came across a post on instagram and it led me to your business page. Yada yada yada!!
Well to cut the long story short, they are getting married in 2months time.
The man is coming to Nigeria to perform all the necessary rites and take her in as his bride.. Haaa in my mind i said this could have been Ameh oo!!
Ameh: Hallelujah!! Woaaah!! Glorayyyyy!!!
Mum T: Kilon se yin(what is wrong with you) Do you think I'm joking here? Look I'm trying to help your life.
Ameh: Oshey Mummy G.O helper of life
Does daddy know that you have gotten a new title? Mummy G.O of the federation of the entire Kingdom of God.
Mum T: You're silly!! I see you have lost your manners young lady!
Look! Incase you don't know, let me remind you. You're 32 going on 33.. You think you're a child? At your age i was done birthing all five of you. You are busy messing with your life. All you have to show for it as a Tech job and a little dog you lavish money on all in the name of pet. You don't know what you're doing with your life. Mama Anifowose(One who doesn't know what to do with money)
Yesterday your friend abi acquaintance in your so called community had her bridal shower not so? That's the 5th one this year and it's just May omo yi(This child)
Should they decide to do the sequel to Always a bridesmaid they should feature you. I mean they won't have to pay you cause you fit the character so perfectly. You want to waste your life and i your mother would not allow it..
Ameh: Wow! Mum! Just wow! Laaro kutukutu(very early in the morning) Stray bullet is just touching me up and down.
Mum T: I'm telling you what is hurting me so that we can find solution you're mocking me? How dare you??
See your Younger sister Kwabena, she is married with two kids in Ghana there. You my first daughter nothing to show for it. Single princles or what do they call it again??
Ameh: *Goes silent*
Mum T: I have told her i am coming to Lagos next weekend for our annual women's programme. When i arrive we would all go to that church together. You better make yourself available.
I don't want an overgrown spinster in my house. Never it won't happen not while I'm still alive Ameh.
Ameh: This is why i didn't take your calls yesterday mum. I knew this was what you were going to say. I wasn't up for it yet again mum.. But then you never miss an opportunity to remind me that i am not enough unless i bring home a husband..
I am only worth something to the society when i get married and have kids. If i don't? I am termed a failure and condenmed to living the life of a Runs girl or even called overbearing and too picky for setting standards for myself.
I deal with this everyday mum, i just didn't expect it to come from you who should be rooting for me.
Mum T: So you're saying I'm not rooting for you? Isn't that what this call is about? To tell you how much i am working hard to ensure you settle down? What more can i do to show you i am rooting for you?
Ameh: You don't get it Mum you just don't. Thanks for soiling my day with sorrow.
Let's talk later please. Take care *Drops call*
Ameh: *Sighs*
Welcome to my Life as 30plus Single Nigerian Christian Girl living in Lagos.
I am Ameh Morenikeji Anan.
Yes you guessed right, i am half Ghanaian half Nigerian and this is my dairy.
To be continued.....
By Annie Chris.
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