Part 3: HOW TO BE ONE AT HEART
Sometime ago i and a friend walked into a local restaurant to have Abula(A Nigerian cuisine belonging to a tribe in the western part of the country)
While we were on a very long queue that had us standing in a stuffy environment with various kinds of bodily diffusers saturating the air, it finally got to our turn after about 35mins of waiting. As soon as we began placing our orders we heard a loud voice yelling from down the hall! The cashier i presume was screaming at the top of his voice to the bewilderment of the customers on queue and the ones already devouring their meals.
"Mi ni gba!! Oti pe ti mo tin so fun yin! O ma se bi eni ti o l'opolo emi ni oga e ni bi bayi! Oga ni mo je si yin, ma pariwo mo mi leti mo"(i won't accept your misdemeanor today, i have given you countless warnings but you refused to heed. You behave like a sensless person. I stand as a leader over you in this firm)
He went on ranting disturbing what should be a sane environment where people came in to refuel their empty tanks.
Things soon got out of hand that customers decided to interfer. If you know anything about Bukka, you'll know that place is really noisy so don't expect anyone to leave because of something as little as a scruffle amongst workers. We believe the madder the place the tastier the meals.
Some customers took it upon themselves to resolve the issue and they asked to know what exactly happened? Turns out it was a misunderstanding between the cashier and a sales attendant over who is in charge and who isn't. The cashier claims he's the one in charge of money and should be accorded some level of respect whilst the sales rep says he attends to the customers that comes to his counter to make payment and should be respected owing to the fact that they were both equals.
Both were in their right to think the way they did but who was in charge didn't matter in the grand scheme of things.
Their job description complements each other and at that should warrant them working cordially together. Not flaring up the whole place just to score some cheap points about who is boss or who isn't. The goal of every organisation is to drive home sales by delivering seamless and impeccable services so as to keep customers coming for more, settling overheads while making profit at the same time. Who the boss is doesn't really matter to the CEO just make me some money.
This is what today's scripture is about.
A kingdom divided againt itself cannot stand. Two workers being at loggerheads before their customers is detrimental to the success of the business.
When two people from two different walks of life, who grew up in separate homes and possibly lived in two different towns or cities decide to build a family, it is pertinent for both parties to come together in synchrony putting their diverse ways, cultures, lifestyles and thinking aside while consciously working together to form a new way of life that better fits their personalities.
Marriage is like a bus that leads to a land of no return, It's best we do everything within our power to make that journey a memorable one. This takes intentionality and loads of smart sometimes hardwork to achieve.
One major technique for this is unlearning and relearning.
Unlearn the lifestyle you created for yourself as a single lady/man.
Unlearn certain habits you picked, unlearn certain patterns and belief systems you acquired either through traumatic experiences or imbibed in you by virtue of association. Unlearn the biases social media, peer groups or family fed you with and then begin to relearn new ideologies taking your partners character and lifestyle into account.
You would be spending the bulk of your remaining time on earth with this person so it's best you devout your courting stage getting mentally intimate with them.
Hold meaningful conversations, take pleasure in studying their character and getting to know what makes them tick. Know their likes and dislikes, get to know their friends and family as you would be marrying them too(family) what they(your future spouse) do for work, their strengths and weaknesses if need be. Be open with them with your struggles as this builds intimacy faster than anything else would. Talk about your upbringing, attend functions together if you can as i do know that some might be miles apart in this japa era(relocation era).
Spend time getting to chat with them, enjoy their company and see if this is the kind of person you want to spend the rest of your life with.
Bishop Jakes once said, another word for intimacy is into-me-see. Tear down those walls you've put up to shield yourself from potential threats. Let your guards down and give this person a chance to run an X-ray through your life.
Contrary to what the world says, granting them access to the real you allows for easy bonding not as a portal to destory you. You're a team afterall and team functions best when they know each other better.
Failing to set a proper foundation for your marriage by wanting to jump processes (Check previous episode to better understand this)would be setting yourself up for a broken home.
Like message translation of the bible puts it "A constantly squabbling family disintegrates"
There's bound to be division in a house where both spouses are not united at heart. That house would soon come to ruin as both parties would relentlessly bump heads. The Head claiming ownership of the body while the neck says you're nothing without me. There's no right and wrong in marriage, we are either both right or both wrong. We fail together and we win together. There's no standing up for your right in marriage either, we are both on the same page, it's not slave and master situation. We work it together daily.
Before any of this happens i would like to believe you have done your due diligence on this person to ensure he/she is not a narcissist, an abuser whether physical
or mental, doesn't abuse substance, is Pro-You not Anti-You....
This is what it means to be like-minded.
Join us tomorrow as we wrap up the series talking about the union between the Soul man and the creators part in all of it.
Don't forget to read previous episodes on the blog.
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